YANNY MAC'S TEN-MINUTE SUPPERS (Feb)

(An example of an expensive 'pre-cooked' & 'pre-frozen' ready-meal from a supermarket chain)

Apologies for the slight gap in posting.
I've spent most of the last year rallying against global capitalism (fail!), the DWP (fail!), Wetherspoons (fail!) and Julian Assange (partial success), so the Ten Minute Suppers took slightly more than a back-seat;
in fact I wrapped them up in an old carpet and stuck them in a trailer that I very rarely used (metaphor).


I thought for this February's Ten Minute Suppers we could have a go at making both lasagne and spaghetti bolognese, and freezing a batch so that we had a tasty, nutritious and fundamentally cheap ready meal, as & when required.


SPAGHETTI BOLOGNESE

1) Brown some mince & onion.

I use beef mince, but any animal will do. The original Italian recipe uses 'osso bucco' which is literally chopped veal, or a little baby cow. I like my flesh from a grown-up beast, unless it's offal and then I want the youngest lambs available.

2) Add a tin of tomatoes.

 Some people use fresh tomatoes, passata or puree', but they're mostly posh people, and this isn't aimed at them.

3) Boil some spaghetti.

Be careful with this!
Quick Cook spaghetti takes 10minutes and costs a lot. Normal spaghetti takes 10minutes and costs a lot less.

4) Season to taste.

This is not essential, but it adds what chefs call 'flavour'.
Sugar takes the tart out of tomatoes.
Salt takes the earthiness out of the meat.
Garlic takes the saltiness out of the combined ingredients
and black pepper & mixed herbs just take the piss.

(I often sprinkle a little cheese on mine, but we will cover this next year)

Et buongiorno!
Spaghetti a la bolognese dans dix minuetos!





For LASAGNE

Do exactly the same but use the big, square-shaped pasta, not the long thin one.






Ingredients:
pasta
meat
tomatoes
boiling water





                                                 *******************

(February 2012)



Having been inundated with requests for some more recipes, I've decided to publish monthly from now on.
I hope you can all wait a few weeks for each one?

In answer to the letter from Jayne of Ashby-de-la-Zouch; YES! Of course you can use duck eggs in Fried Egg Sarnie (Dec 31), only make sure the bread is wide enough to cope with the egg's size. Duck eggs in the UK are traditionally larger than a basic hen's egg, regardless of whether it's 'free range'.
And to Simon of Gomshall in Surrey; I've yet to come across a cockerel's egg, and would advise caution in this purchase.

Continuing with the sandwich-theme, this month we are going to make Hot Pot-Noodle(tm.)sarnies.
Please be aware that this recipe contains very hot water.

HOT POT NOODLE SARNIE

You will need thick-sliced bread for this rare delicacy.
Any sliced bread will do, but try and buy fresh if possible.

Butter the bread.
It doesn't have to be real butter, but something that trys to emulate the taste of butter (Country Life spread, Utterly Butterly, I Can't Believe.....)is preferable to say, mayonnaisse or jam.
Boil a kettle with water, and follow the instructions on the side of the Pot Noodle(tm.)cup.
It's not too important what flavour you use.
I tend to use spicy curry, but have found chicken & mushroom just as versatile in the past.
NEVER use sweet & sour!
It's really not worth it.

When the noodles are ready (and not before!) carefully spoon them onto one side of the buttered bread.
Now fold it over, being even more careful not to lose any noodles.
I find using a plate helps with any rogue drips.

Et voila!

A nourishing & warming meal for all the family, ready in less than ten minutes!


Ingredients:
Pot Noodle(tm.)
Sliced bread
Butter (or similar)
Boiling water

(Serves approx. 4)

Campaign Update (Focus DIY)

More importantly, the retail behemoth that is Focus DIY, is no more.
Hopefully this will bring much needed business to the paint-sellers, nail-floggers, plant-punters and padlock-dealers of Olde Beccles Town;
but I fear the new Poundland may absorb some of that trade.
(6-7-2011)

The Poundland I referred to above, was in fact a 'Pound Stretcher'.
Along with QD, Gary's Discounts and the multitude of charity shops, it's hoped that no one will have to pay through the nose this Xmas.
Not in Beccles.

We do still however need somewhere for the kids to go when the lido is closed.
Our hope that the massive warehouse vacated by Focus DIY would be turned into an Open Venue, or youth club, or sports hall, or skate-park or gym, has been dashed, only a fortnight away from Xmas week.

I'm not sure what our new retailer is actually called, but it has a gaudy fascia that highlights the words FAMILY, DISCOUNTS, BARGAINS, and it appears to have a glut of plastic exclamation marks!!!!!!!!

The kids may be roaming the streets this festive period, but no one will have to pay for anything through the nose.
Not in Beccles.

Merry Costa everybody..........

Campaign Update (Merry Costa)

To be fair to Beccles Tesco (and I'm not fair that often), taking delivery of Xmas stock in Autumn, and placing it directly onto the shelves, that are taking brief respite from barbecue charcoals and citronella tea-lights, is a space & labour-saving device, that the public, rightly or wrongly, see as a piece of cynical capitalism.

Costa Coffee however, do not have this excuse.

Whereas Tesco is still punting pumpkins and fireworks, with not a Xmas decoration in sight, Costa Coffee has festooned it's windows with the most garish, unattractive, badly fonted posters, wishing everyone who can read, a 'Merry Costa'.

What does it even mean?!

A Merry fuckin' Costa?
It's not even a crappy seasonal period!
It's a brand name.
For a coffee-shop.
When did buying an overpriced cup of java ever have anything to do with Xmas?

What next, a Merry Costa and a Happy New Starbucks?
Ding dong merrily on high, in Devon the tills are ringing?
Costa time, mistletoe & caffeine, children singing Christian rapping?
(I'm angry and I didn't really give these my best shot - your suggestions please?)

And why now?
It's November 2nd ffs!

No.
We've managed to get rid of Julian Assange, Focus DIY and Woolies.
We've stalled Wetherspoons.
It's time to rid our town of this obnoxious chain of space-hogging, money-grabbing, sanitised nonsense, and embrace the twelve or so independent coffee shops that we already have.

If you want a skinny latte' ask Elsie for less milk.
If you want a cappucino ask Doris for a sprinkle of cocoa.
If you want the world to disappear up its own arse, ask Santa for a Merry Costa.
(You never know, you might get it in a proper cup)

JULIAN ASSANGE WANTS TO SCREAM "I'M FREE"

A man who struggles to understand when 'No' means 'No'.
Let's look at the facts;

Visits police station in stockinged feet, even in winter

Knowingly breaks his curfew to watch Titti T Rash.

Doesn't know who Ricky Ponting is.

Illegally films inside Beccles Police Station, outside of curfew.

Sanctions his autobiography, then denies its validity.

Actually isn't 'that bloke from Wikipedia' at all.

Prefers Waveney Valley in a tag, than Sweden without.

Cannot maintain a sensible haircut.

Didn't follow the Ashes, but happily redacted cables about boring stuff.

Thinks extradition should be requested by defence, rather than prosecution.

Has been told 'No' twice now, and still appeals, wasting valuable court time, and losing credibility in doing so.

Looks suspiciously like John Inman.

If you didn't do it Julian, go face the music.
The Swedes are lovely.

Justice will prevail, you know that.........

Campaign Update (Assange's Birthday Party & Asbestosis)

So the reason we can't have a Wetherspoons is because of too much asbestos.
When did product quality or customer care become part of Tim Martin's remit?
Now we've got an empty pub, slap-bang in the centre of town, that no-one wants, and may be a danger to public health.

The King's Head stood there for nearly 400years without any problems.
JD Wetherspoon came along, and fucked Beccles into a hole.

The checkout manager at Tesco is a rude cow.
Yesterday she closed two tills, as I was obviously approaching them, without a word of apology or consideration.
If it wasn't for their Value cider, I'd boycott them.

Julian Assange was 40 on July 3rd. We invited him to our Birthday Cricket game on the common, but he declined to attend, favouring a party with Vivienne Westwood and the girl who plays the lead in Australia's 'Rocky Horror Picture Show'.
I'm not sure if they slept over, or if Jules drank so much, he lost his moral-compass, but he did end up nicking some of our cricket attendees.
I just wish he would get over the whole 'Ricky Ponting' thing.

THERE ARE NO MOUNTAINS IN SURREY, MOHAMMAD

We can only imagine how the conversation went.

(SUNDAY 5th JUNE. 10-30AM. A Surrey village green)

Addington Village Cricket Captain: Hello Bob
St.Lukes Village Cricket Captain: Hi Gerry.
You ready for a damn good thrashing today! (chortles)

AVCC: (chortles too) You bet!
Listen Bob. We’ve got this teenage Pakistani lad who wants a game.
I promised his dad.
You ok with him having a swing?

StLVCC: Pakistani hey? As long as it’s not Imran Khan!
(both chortle, one less convincingly than the other)

AVCC: We’ll probably give him a bowl before lunch, and see how he gets on.
If we win the toss?!

StLVCC: You always do Gerry! You always do.



************


(2-37PM. Early Tea. A Surrey village green)

St.LVCC: Four wickets and sixty runs already eh, Bob?
Which part of Pakistan did you say he was from?


AVCC: Carshalton Gerry.
Carshalton.

BRING BACK MARY WHITEHOUSE (Countryfile)

What IS going on?

Last week we had the ginger one, ejaculating over his family-home, where they farm stuff, and drive big 4x4's with legitimacy.

And this week we're subjected to Matt.

Back at his childhood stomping ground, creaming over the rides he experienced in the back lanes of Ruralsville.
Mr. Baker nearly exploded when he donged the school-bell, behaviour more suited to an onanistic campanologist.

Why the self-indulgence BBC?
Why does this say anything to us about our lives, particularly on Sunday evenings?

What next?
Julia Bradbury showing us where she was first titted-up, in a haystack, behind an oast-house owned by her forefathers?

No.
It's time to bring back Mary Whitehouse!

You Don't Know Who Ricky Ponting Is????

An Open Letter to Mr.Julian Assange

Dear Mr.Assange

Forgive me for contacting you, at what must be a difficult time.
My name is Yanny Mac. I shouted 'Aussie Aussie Aussie' at you last week, outside Beccles Police Station. You replied 'Oi Oi Oi' in time-honoured fashion.
I videoed the whole shebang, and posted it on YouTube.


Very briefly, I became an internet hit (A funny old position, I'm sure, you can empathise with?)

Anyways. My 100-or-so Twitter followers, and my family & friends, would like me to get a 2nd interview with you. The general consensus is that I should ask you another Ashes-related question. I would be open to any other suggestions.
The problem I have is a medical one. I have chronic rheumatoid arthritis, and even though I live close to the police station, standing around in these current wintry conditions is extremely uncomfortable.

Could I ask of you a favour?
Would it be possible to have an approximate 'visiting-time' to Beccles, on Christmas Day?
I don't mind missing The Muppet Xmas Carol film or Doctor Who, but would love to catch the Queen's Speech if possible.

The question I would probably ask is, either:

" How are you coping with the particularly slow Broadband speed in the Beccles/Bungay area?" Or (bearing in the mind the action at the MCG)
"Should Ricky Ponting retire gracefully now?"

I hope you're enjoying your stay at Ellingham? It really is quite nice around here, if a little quiet.

Yours Sincerely Yanny Mac