YANNY MAC'S TEN MINUTE PANCAKE-DAY SUPPER

Pancake Day or Shrove Tuesday is celebrated all over Europe, not just in developed countries like England or America.
Shrove literally means 'use up all the eggs and butter quick' and is often celebrated  40 days before Easter, so that the supermarkets have time to take down the Jif and McDougalls displays, and replace them with larger items, such as Yorkie Easter Eggs and disposable barbecues.
A lot of people forget that Baby Jesus nearly died of malnutrition in the desert, before having himself crucified so that we could make (or buy) hot cross buns and mini eggs.
In France they call Pancake Day 'Mardi Gras' which literally means 'Fat Tuesday', and shows that the French have no respect for Baby Jesus or any of the Big 3 supermarkets.
The Swedes also call Pancake Day 'Fettisdagen' which literally also means 'Fat Tuesday', but as they are significantly wealthier than us, and very nearly invented Lego, my recipe today will ignore them completely, and focus on the slightly more accessible ingredients used by those cuddly Vikings, the people of Iceland.
'Sprengidadur' literally means 'a day for bursting your stomach open', and in my experience, the frozen food from Iceland is very capable of doing just that, if eaten in great quantities.

Ten Minute Sprengidadur Supper

If, like me, you struggle to make your ends meet, living off benefits and generally being feckless, you may find this recipe a little challenging, and decide to get a takeaway pizza from say Pizza Hut or The Dominoes.
If you do, try asking for a maple syrup, or lemon & sugar topping, in order to be festive and show respect for the Lent stuff.

1. Get your ingredients from Iceland

2. The Icelandic people celebrate with salted meat and peas.

3. Carefully sprinkle salt onto your meat (I use Tesco Value Free Running Table Salt, but I once had a lodger who got hers from the sea! I think it was a quirky hipster thing, but it tasted ok, even though it was very lumpy).

4. Open your bag of peas from Iceland carefully, and add them to a boiling pan of water.
(If, like me, you've had your gas cut off, try melting the peas with a lighter from Gary's Discounts, or putting them out in the sunshine for a bit).

5. Serve with Findus Crispy Pancakes from Iceland (optional - mince beef may contain bits of animals).

Ingredients:
Meat (animal meat is best)
Salt
Peas
Crispy Pancakes (optional)

Og Lita' Par!
A ten minute recipe that'll have you fit for bursting, and won't have you taking out a crisis loan in order to pay for the kids Easter eggs

This is a photo of an experiment I did earlier. 
Call it 'Yanny-Fusion' if you like, but I combined pancakes from Iceland with waffles from the more developed & civilised country America (Untied States of, NOT South America!)

A NAKED LUCY WORSLEY

No greeting cards or service-station flowers
No candlelight or making love for hours
No forced gestures or pink confectionery
Just some tissues, closed curtains
And a naked Lucy Worsley.

MENSWEAR La La La.

It's hard to believe that no-one is really into Menswear anymore.
Everyone loved Menswear in 1995.
If you Google 'Menswear' now, the band isn't even mentioned until the 25th entry.

I was into Gene and Marion in 1995.
I had Menswear's album, but I preferred the Morrissey-like dulcet tones of Martin Rossiter, and the Johnny Marr-infused rock of Macclesfield's finest.
It's hard to believe that no-one is really into Marion or Gene anymore.

My girlfriend at the time was into Candyskins.
The two Cope lads' dad was Kenneth Cope from 'Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased)', 'Corrie', 'Brookside' and both 'Carry On Matron' & 'Carry On At Your Convenience'.
I went to see Candyskins at The Water Rats in London, and stood next to the bloke from The Fast Show.
It's hard to believe that no-one is really into Candyskins anymore.

Menswear went on to have 5 hit singles including 'Sleeping In', 'Daydreamer' and 'Being Brave'.
Their single 'Stardust' appeared on 'Shine 3', a various artists' showcase of Britpop talent, featuring singles by Marion, Gene, Cast and Echobelly.
The Boo Radleys were also on 'Shine 3'.
It's hard to believe that no-one is really into Cast or Echobelly anymore.

Candyskins didn't feature until 'Shine 8', the fourth of the double Shine albums, that included Bennet, Whitetown, Monaco and Sleeper.
Whitetown was from Norwich.
I met him a few times.
I also met Louise Wener from Sleeper at the first ever Port Eliot Festival.
She writes books now.
It's hard to believe that no-one is really into Bennet, Whitetown, Monaco or Sleeper anymore.

After 'Shine 10' there was a Best of Shine album released in 1996.
It pretty much featured everyone mentioned above, except Marion, Gene, Candyskins, Sleeper, Echobelly and rather surprisingly Menswear.
Luckily new bands like Seahorses, Embrace, Mansun & Republica had come along to replace the ageing Britpop originals.
It's hard to believe that no-one is really into Seahorses, Mansun or Republica anymore.

Time Please!

Due to necessary, but brutal, budgetary cuts, the government will be rearranging the modern concept of ‘time’ forthwith. From 2011, the year 2010 will no longer exist; being referred to from now on as Love’s Labour’s Loss No.1. GMT & BST will now collectively be called ‘Euro-Time’, thus increasing its value in China & the Pacific Rim. As a mark of deference, Chinese lanterns made in Hong Kong will be donated to Scottish farmers & schoolchildren. Greenwich Observatory will be replaced by a massive digital watch sponsored by Greggs bakers, and a banner proclaiming “You know when it’s time for lunch”. The January Sales that traditionally start in November, will be replaced by the year-long DFS model, to avoid confusion amongst shoppers. Valentines Day will be re-named Valentines Fortnight (‘V15’ every Leap Year), and to celebrate this occurrence, first-round audition loser, Jodie from Pop Idol 2, will record “Money Can Buy Me Love” with X-Factor runner-up Andy Abraham. The One Minute Silence (aka.Two Minute Silence) will now last up to 6 minutes, indicated to those participating, by a 4th Official, and length-dependent on injuries sustained during whatever conflict they are remembering (subject to change with regard to ITV scheduling). Christmas is now one of the officially recognised Five Seasons, with spring & summer reducing in length, to allow the ‘festive period’ to start in October. The setting of ‘lighting-up time’ will be the responsibility of each individual local council, based on need & necessity. Gomshall & Abinger Hammer in Surrey will employ an out-of-town village-idiot to light candles in the absence of romantic moonlight, and he/she will cry ‘All is well’ in doing so. Nottingham City Council will sporadically shine spotlights into every living-room, whilst reminding people of the dangers of gun-crime, by playing M.I.A.’s ‘Paper Planes’ at an extremely loud volume. Oxbridge students will now study for 5 years for a typical undergraduate course, thus increasing it’s market value by at least 18k. Saints’ feast days will be replaced with ‘consecutive or palindromic number-sequence days’. At a quarter past four in the afternoon (& 14 seconds), next December 13th, we will have a nano-second’s silence to remember St.Clare – the Virgin Martyr of Bruges. If anyone really knows about doing time it’s George ‘Boy’ O’Dowd. He once sang: Because time won't give me time And time makes lovers feel Like they've got something real But you and me we know They've got nothing but time And time won't give me time Won't give me time Don't make me feel any colder Time is like a clock in my heart Touch we touch was the heat too much I felt I lost you from the start. Moving stuff. But I’ll leave the final words to Zebedee of Magic Roundabout fame. “It’s late. Fuck off to bed”