Cry God for Geoffrey
The Ashes and Saints Jonathan Trott & Agnew
A victory Dear England was most in need
in times of near poverty & snow
we exhale, we prevail,
we drink we fart we curmudgeon
and the BBC never quite far behind SKY (but valued nonetheless) posits the question;
Why celebrate the provenance of a bush-fired set of bails when the Series is not yet won?

"Sydney - It's a great place for TV & Radio people"

An Open Letter to Mr.Julian Assange

Dear Mr.Assange

Forgive me for contacting you, at what must be a difficult time.
My name is Yanny Mac. I shouted 'Aussie Aussie Aussie' at you last week, outside Beccles Police Station. You replied 'Oi Oi Oi' in time-honoured fashion.
I videoed the whole shebang, and posted it on YouTube.


Very briefly, I became an internet hit (A funny old position, I'm sure, you can empathise with?)

Anyways. My 100-or-so Twitter followers, and my family & friends, would like me to get a 2nd interview with you. The general consensus is that I should ask you another Ashes-related question. I would be open to any other suggestions.
The problem I have is a medical one. I have chronic rheumatoid arthritis, and even though I live close to the police station, standing around in these current wintry conditions is extremely uncomfortable.

Could I ask of you a favour?
Would it be possible to have an approximate 'visiting-time' to Beccles, on Christmas Day?
I don't mind missing The Muppet Xmas Carol film or Doctor Who, but would love to catch the Queen's Speech if possible.

The question I would probably ask is, either:

" How are you coping with the particularly slow Broadband speed in the Beccles/Bungay area?" Or (bearing in the mind the action at the MCG)
"Should Ricky Ponting retire gracefully now?"

I hope you're enjoying your stay at Ellingham? It really is quite nice around here, if a little quiet.

Yours Sincerely Yanny Mac

Dad's Gone To Tescos

I woke up feeling chipper despite the snow
I sledged my way to Tesco
I wobbled a bit on the icy-cobbles home
and out-interviewed the media
with a trolley full of toilet-roll & cider.

TOP 3 NON-PREMIERSHIP FOOTBALL CLUB ADVERTISING HOARDINGS w/e 13.12.10.

This week's TOP 3 NON-PREMIERSHIP FOOTBALL CLUB ADVERTISING HOARDINGS:

BUFFET CITY - All You Can Eat From 3-15 (Plymouth Argyle)
ANTHONY (Wycombe Wanderers)
NEGRI BOSSI - Injection Moulding Machines (Rotherham Utd)

Ricky Ponting RIP

A warm wind blows gently, from third man to gully and swirls a bit, around silly mid-off.
The batsman trembles as the Perth-born faithful hold their breath in unison.
Collective fear, deep mid-wicket and cold.
Broken bookies beaten before a ball is even bowled.
A frozen Brit swaps Long Wave for digital.
A Shipping Forecast and an Act of Worship
muffles sweat-drenched Aggers' commentary
on seagulls & doctors.
The airwaves screech like banshees bent
on inviting Tasmania's favourite punter to the crease
as he rewrites Toni Basil's finest hour:

 "Hey Ricky, what a pity. You can't make a stand.
 You miss it with your bat and you nick it with your hand.
 Oh Ricky, you're so shitty why you still 'the man'?
 It's guys like your wicky Ricky
 Who should be captain Ricky, Bradley Ricky.
 Go Bradley Haddin Ricky"

Campaign Update (Au revoir Assange)

Now that we have managed to extradite Julian Assange to that London for a few days, local retailers are looking forward to returning to normal.

Half-day closing will resume on Wednesday, and several of us can go back to trolley-shopping, in the knowledge that we won't have to run a gauntlet of European & US journalists, on our way back home.

Take your time Julian.

Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!

My campaign to stop Wetherspoon's opening in Beccles, has gone from strength-to-strength this month. All four town-centre pubs have signed-up anonymously, and a man who lives in Chipping Ongar, but regularly visits Beccles Cemetery, also expressed 'serious dissatisfaction'. Our queueing campaign "Get A Grip Greggs", to alleviate bread & cake queue-jumping, in order to secure warm lunchtime snacks, took a knock back this week. A spokesperson for Greggs called Janice said "We can't be responsible for customer disputes at busy lunchtime periods. We hent social-workers". We are still waiting on a reply from Beccles Outdoor Lido with respect to the ice-rink idea. New Look & QD are still refusing to shut half-day on Wednesdays. Keep fighting the fight.......

TOP 3 NON-PREMIERSHIP ADVERTISING HOARDINGS w/e 6.12.10

The Sofa King
"Prices are sofa king low, you may wet your pants" - Northampton Town

Metallon: Derby's Premier Metal Recyclers - Derby County

Gillian's Blinds - Northampton Town

That Friday Night Anticipation

Next door's chickens have fucked off to roost and their shit is completely frozen The hen coop sewage rats are restless and starving and begging at our back doors The Aussie middle-order has spunked all its credit and as the Adelaide evenings grow longer the English smell burning snags and damp barbies The party could well soon be over

A Golden Age

Like Richie Benaud.
In his day
Hot.
In prospect and in property
That was me
Early noughties
Aisle16 and too much speed.
Now I’m Ricky Ponting
Had his day
Respected.
But tired and on his way out.
Marvellous.

Hiatus Over

I'm not capable of poetic language this evening.
What was supposed to be excitement at the start of the 2nd Test,
and relief at the passing of the hiatus period
(3 days is a long time at sub-zero temperatures)
I instead find myself extremely dis-heartened by the negativity and jingoistic protectionism, of the want-it-now; want-it-always football fraternity.
Being the self-proclaimed 'Home of Football' and having at least two, anachronistic, dynastic monarchies, is not enough!
Russia won. You came last. Get over it.

I felt my friends' pain
John was beside himself
Joe was agitated by moves asunder
Patrick was lost, but
this was a terrain unfamiliar

United in a love of the probable
we snow-balled our fears into thoughts
of barbecues, beer & sun
and allowed ourselves the luxury
of just one more late night
(depending on who won the toss)