Wednesday, 10 December 2014


Great to see Krusty back on our telly-box last night, after what seemed like an interminable amount of time away.
Ms. FullSock decided to give the FREE STUFF a rest for a bit

( and concentrate on getting crafty, ahead of the two-week long Waitrose Wobble in South Ken, that the rest of us know as ‘the festive period’.
In setting-up her grotto, Location Location Location star Krusty opted for Blenheim Palace as a venue.
As a keen whittler & car-boot man myself, I tried to book a pitch at Blenheim this very morning, and here’s how the telephone conversation went;

“Good Morning, Blenheim Palace Office Enquiries.  How can I help?”

“Hi. I saw Krusty FullSock on TV last night and wondered how I went about setting up my own grotto?”

“I beg your pardon sir?”

“I’d like to book a pitch at your next car boot sale please?”

“I’m sorry sir. That was a one-orf.  For Channel 4. For our Christmas Fire. ”

“So there’s no way of setting up another grotto at Blenheim?  In the future?  For free.”

“No sir. Not for the foreseeable future.”

“Oh. Ok. Thanks. Bye.”

“Thank you sir. Goodbye.”

To be honest, I was feeling a bit cheated.
If Pinter were still alive he’d have a field-day with that bit of dialogue, but I’m no playwright, and Harold’s long since gone; so I set about trying to create a Santa-Style grotto of my own, using some of Krusty’s ‘fregan’ tricks from her last money-spinning venture.

In last night’s show, FullSock made almost all of her Cath Kidston chintz in her ‘home studio’.

Living in a standard two up/two down, I don’t have room for a studio (nor a coffee table, nor a washing machine, nor a double bed) so I decided to get to work with my hammer & tongs in the bathroom.

How to burn your tree instead of recycling it.

Krusty also visited Norway.

I don’t have the money to buy even a coffee in Oslo, let alone jump on a flight to get Scandi-Inspired, so I visited Lowestoft, the further point east in the UK.
Lowestoft has loads of shops.
Lowestoft also has loads of grottos, ranging from the half-hearted, to the half-arsed.
But it wasn’t enough.

It was like Krusty had shown us a world where dreams really could come true, but we weren’t really invited (although we were allowed to watch).
Fullsock famously once said in the Hull Daily Mail;
"I didn't go to university, didn't do well at school, I didn't have an easy 20s, I never perceived myself - and certainly no-one else has - as cool……..

I bought my first flat when I was 21, and from a very early age I was the one at home fussing about”.


It was at this point that I realised how I was going to have a Christmas just like hers!
I needed to buy my own flat.

But first, I needed inspiration.
I went back to my video-taped recording of last night’s visual cornucopia, and this time I watched all of the adverts (and the funny little bit at the end, where the hard-working editorial assistants get their names squeezed into the corner, so that the ‘book accompanying this programme/series’ can be advertised).

And there it was!
The book.
And not just one.
Krusty’s Handmade Christmas, AND Krusty’s Homemade Home, AND Krusty’s Christmas Crafts AND Krusty FullSock’s Crafts!

All available through Amazon (negating the need for trying to find a book-shop in Lowestoft) and all over a TENNER, thus ensuring FREE DELIVERY, as long as I paid £70 for Prime next year.

Not only did I not have to get a mortgage, move to Oxon, flirt with horses, holiday in the Arctic and invest in a home-studio, but I could do the whole thing from my bed!

God bless you Krusty FullSock, and your endless multi-talented ways.
I hope Baby Jesus brings you all you could ever ask for this year
(or at least keeps the poor people from your door).

Merry Xmas Everyone & Happy Buying Lots of Stuff (instead of making it yourself).