Wednesday 22 February 2012

TOP 3 NON-PREMIERSHIP ADVERTISING HOARDINGS (Midweek Special)

As I have been consigned to my bed with proper woman-flu this week, I thought I'd take the time to offer you a special midweek treat.
Enjoy!



SHEFFIELD UNITED CRICKET CLUB: CRICKET CLUB - Sheffield United

STEVENAGE GLASS: GLASS - Stevenage Borough

DAVIES ANGLING: No.1 FOR CLOTHING - Brentford United

Sunday 19 February 2012

TOP 3 NON-PREMIERSHIP ADVERTISING HOARDINGS (w/e 19-02-12)



RIVIERA RENTALS: MINIBUS HIRE - Torquay United

J.MART WAREHOUSE: HARDWARE STORE - Hereford United

FOLLET STOCK: SOLICITORS - Exeter City

Tuesday 14 February 2012

A NAKED LUCY WORSLEY



No greeting cards or service-station flowers
No candlelight or making love for hours
No forced gestures or pink confectionery
Just some tissues, closed curtains
And a naked Lucy Worsley.


Sunday 12 February 2012

YANNY MAC'S TEN-MINUTE SUPPERS (Feb)




(An example of an expensive 'pre-cooked' & 'pre-frozen' ready-meal from a supermarket chain)



Apologies for the slight gap in posting.
I've spent most of the last year rallying against global capitalism (fail!), the DWP (fail!), Wetherspoons (fail!) and Julian Assange (partial success), so the Ten Minute Suppers took slightly more than a back-seat;
in fact I wrapped them up in an old carpet and stuck them in a trailer that I very rarely used (metaphor).


I thought for this February's Ten Minute Suppers we could have a go at making both lasagne and spaghetti bolognese, and freezing a batch so that we had a tasty, nutritious and fundamentally cheap ready meal, as & when required.


SPAGHETTI BOLOGNESE

1) Brown some mince & onion.

I use beef mince, but any animal will do. The original Italian recipe uses 'osso bucco' which is literally chopped veal, or a little baby cow. I like my flesh from a grown-up beast, unless it's offal and then I want the youngest lambs available.

2) Add a tin of tomatoes.

 Some people use fresh tomatoes, passata or puree', but they're mostly posh people, and this isn't aimed at them.

3) Boil some spaghetti.

Be careful with this!
Quick Cook spaghetti takes 10minutes and costs a lot. Normal spaghetti takes 10minutes and costs a lot less.

4) Season to taste.

This is not essential, but it adds what chefs call 'flavour'.
Sugar takes the tart out of tomatoes.
Salt takes the earthiness out of the meat.
Garlic takes the saltiness out of the combined ingredients
and black pepper & mixed herbs just take the piss.

(I often sprinkle a little cheese on mine, but we will cover this next year)

Et buongiorno!
Spaghetti a la bolognese dans dix minuetos!





For LASAGNE

Do exactly the same but use the big, square-shaped pasta, not the long thin one.






Ingredients:
pasta
meat
tomatoes
boiling water





                                                 *******************

(February 2012)



Having been inundated with requests for some more recipes, I've decided to publish monthly from now on.
I hope you can all wait a few weeks for each one?

In answer to the letter from Jayne of Ashby-de-la-Zouch; YES! Of course you can use duck eggs in Fried Egg Sarnie (Dec 31), only make sure the bread is wide enough to cope with the egg's size. Duck eggs in the UK are traditionally larger than a basic hen's egg, regardless of whether it's 'free range'.
And to Simon of Gomshall in Surrey; I've yet to come across a cockerel's egg, and would advise caution in this purchase.

Continuing with the sandwich-theme, this month we are going to make Hot Pot-Noodle(tm.)sarnies.
Please be aware that this recipe contains very hot water.

HOT POT NOODLE SARNIE

You will need thick-sliced bread for this rare delicacy.
Any sliced bread will do, but try and buy fresh if possible.

Butter the bread.
It doesn't have to be real butter, but something that trys to emulate the taste of butter (Country Life spread, Utterly Butterly, I Can't Believe.....)is preferable to say, mayonnaisse or jam.
Boil a kettle with water, and follow the instructions on the side of the Pot Noodle(tm.)cup.
It's not too important what flavour you use.
I tend to use spicy curry, but have found chicken & mushroom just as versatile in the past.
NEVER use sweet & sour!
It's really not worth it.

When the noodles are ready (and not before!) carefully spoon them onto one side of the buttered bread.
Now fold it over, being even more careful not to lose any noodles.
I find using a plate helps with any rogue drips.

Et voila!

A nourishing & warming meal for all the family, ready in less than ten minutes!


Ingredients:
Pot Noodle(tm.)
Sliced bread
Butter (or similar)
Boiling water

(Serves approx. 4)

TOP 3 NON-PREMIERSHIP ADVERTISING HOARDINGS (w/e 12-02-12)



CHESTNUT TREES: PRUNING, SHAPING & STUMP REMOVAL - Exeter City


LSR STORAGE: DOCUMENT ARCHIVING SPECIALISTS - Stevenage Borough


EDEN PARK SELF-DRIVE HIRE: 17 SEATER MINIBUSES - Hartlepool United

Sunday 5 February 2012

TOP 3 NON-PREMIERSHIP ADVERTISING HOARDINGS w/e 05-02-12



Lascelles Opticians: Great eyecare is our goal! - Plymouth Argyle

Great Victoria: Best bedrooms in Bradford! - Bradford City

Gordons: Lawyers on your side! - Bradford City

Saturday 4 February 2012

DEAR CLARE BALDING.......



Dear Clare Balding,

I'm sorry I stopped following you on Twitter last year.
I was reckless & stupid.

I'm also sorry I stopped following Emma Freud and Elly Olroyd.

I now understand how Twitter works, and I realise that you are an important part of the whole experience.
I felt I could cope without you, as long as we had our Ramblings on Radio4 and the odd horse-meet.
You even said 'hi' to me when Luke Wright (the poet, not the cricketer) was with you on Saturday Live.
Our relationship felt consummate.

It was when I topped 200 'Followings' on Twitter that I realised I had gone too far.

I should've unfollowed Frankie Coccoza and The Real Gok Wan, but instead I rejected you, and for this I will be eternally sorry.

I hope you will accept my apology and we can tweep-it-up together again soon.

I have a horse called Albie.
He is very young, and we backed him ourselves.

Love Yanny.x

BRING BACK MARY WHITEHOUSE (Alys Fowler)



The little economy fish-finger is up to her old tricks again.

I've written about the green-digit goblin in the past.
She has form when it comes to the sexualisation of our multi media world.
I don't mind Carol Klein or Monty Don getting a little jiggy in the strawberry patch, IF (and only IF) it serves a purpose, and does not refer to genitalia or readers' wives.

But Fowler has gone too far this weekend.
Yet again.

She starts her Guardian Weekend supplement piece by informing us that she pops off to the shed to look at her secret stash of 'Garden Porn'.
Apparently she gets off at looking at pics of bushes in full bloom.
Now, I'm all for a hirsute leylandi, but I don't think this warrants being referred to as 'porn'.
Editorial work immediately goes online these days, so imagine the horror of a part-time gardener entering (and I use that word carefully) search terms into his or her Google, and coming up with an article about pornography.

Amateur + Gardener + Tool + Muck + Redhead + Snow + Muff = moral minefield.

Fowler goes on to say she wishes she didn't have to resort to 'Garden Porn' because she prefers the real thing.
I would go on to say that the 'real thing' is probably indoors, in the warm, waiting for her to stop going blind in the potting-shed.

I would further go on to say "Bring Back Mary Whitehouse".
I've had just about enough of this commodification of Mother Nature, and her feminine wiles.