Tuesday, 24 May 2011


Thankfully, in our house we use the television guide to filter unsuitable content.
I am often found sitting on the loo with a pencil, putting my ring around things we shouldn't really be watching.
So imagine my utter disappointment when I had to edit tonight's Titchmarsh-Fest from our proposed viewing, all because of the 'new girl' on Gardeners' World.
This is not a feeble attempt to bring back the economy fish-finger Alys Fowler - the wife and I get enough of her in the weekend supplements.
No. This was outrage at the perpetual filth plastered across the goggle-box, and this time before the watershed.
I quote:
"Rachel De Thame finds out what makes a successful entry" (RHS Flower Show.BBC2. 8pm)


Monday, 23 May 2011

BBW - Going down on a Sunday

A lot of people (including me) thought it would be WWW come the final hour.
Wigan, Wolves and West Ham, were many pundits favourites to go down (and I came across many more who thought it could be BBC)
I guess BBW will satisfy those who don't like A, B or E (or even BMW)?

Stats-wise, 'Nigella's Tits' was my finest moment.........

The Ubiquitous Ms.Long

We followed you for a bit
on Twitter
but it felt like teaching politics
to a classroom full of six year-olds
And then you did UK Uncut
and Skins
some things
we're much more grateful for
And what’s more
we liked seeing you
at festivals and such
But today we heard you
on FiveLive radio
with Nick Hancock
and Rhona Cameron
And someone talking loudly
about how some sport is rubbish
if it isn't quite British
And how the workmen
in your proud London boroughs
migrate every day from Essex
by the sea
But we didn't want to hear that
not from you
not from anyone
You are much less crapper
than ropey idle chatter
So go back to Hackney Ms.Long
and pick up a pen
Go home Josie, go home
and start writing the good stuff again

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

Campaign Update (Focus DIY)

We're hoping to convert the warehouse in Beccles into a climbing gym & 5-a-side pitch now.
(Failing that, we'll take a Homebase)

*Julian Assange is currently appearing at Brighton Festival alongside Carol Ann Duffy & Aung San Suu Kyi


I am not a man that cares much for personal image.
The comedian Patrick Lappin once remarked that I was luckier than most, due to having a full head of hair. I was surprised at this remark, as I thought he had observed at first-hand, my constant struggle to maintain my mane, whilst creating a look of nonchalance & carefree abandon.
Other than hair & make-up, and the occasional amphetamine-based diet, my interest in how I look is far from healthy. This all changed recently when my wife decided that I should now be alluring in the bedroom.

I change my underpants, on average, once every five years.
I purchase a job-lot of trunks/shorts, consider pouches, dismiss pouches, go commando for a week or two, and then reach a compromise with my testicles, that normally involves compulsory bagging-up whenever we have house guests.

So imagine my concern and disgust when I was confronted by the cheap, tacky and exploitative nature of gentlemen's knickers, freely available online.
The suggestion that fellas only wear grundies for the act of sexual pleasuring left me astounded.
What sort of messages are we sending out when our posteriors are covered in suggestive slogans such as "I'll work hard for your happy ending" and "I'll shake you all night long"?

No. This must be stopped, before we end up in a society that portrays men as sex objects, and prevents them from experiencing an innocent upbringing.
Shame on you clothes manufacturers.

I say again;
Bring Back Mary Whitehouse!

Tuesday, 3 May 2011


It saddens me to see such disagreeable filth on the shelves of our local newsagent, ranging from magazines designed for those who think a house interior is some sort of money-making project, to periodicals aimed at women of a certain age, with a sick penchant for crochet and baking.
But imagine my disgust when today, on purchasing the Beccles & Bungay Journal, I was subjected to the most abhorrent picture my eyes have ever laid upon!
A young 'man', with the largest of gay faces I have ever seen, gazed wistfully into the newspaper's banner, clutching another young 'man' to his chest, the latter sporting the smallest of gay faces possible. The so-called 'local poet' was involved in a tawdry affair, so vile in fact, that I could not bring myself to read the article in its entirety, but needless to say, the strapline ended "....gay library fight".
Inside the paper, on page 3 no less, the big gay face (this time looking like a lesbian that wears dungarees) had written a poem criticising politicians, that positively encouraged our youngsters to "drown....in beer".
Another line cried out "Hurrah! A bum......year".
The other smaller man, screwed his little gay face up for the photo, reminiscent of a young John Lydon, and pointed at the camera, as if to say "You lot can fuck off!"
He was quoted as saying " (I) loves to run around in the beautiful enclosed garden", presumably half-naked and monged-out on Relentless?

The state of our media is in crisis.
And this is why I emphatically plead once again;

PLEASE Bring Back Mary Whitehouse!