Campaign Update (Assange's Birthday Party & Asbestosis)

So the reason we can't have a Wetherspoons is because of too much asbestos.
When did product quality or customer care become part of Tim Martin's remit?
Now we've got an empty pub, slap-bang in the centre of town, that no-one wants, and may be a danger to public health.

The King's Head stood there for nearly 400years without any problems.
JD Wetherspoon came along, and fucked Beccles into a hole.

The checkout manager at Tesco is a rude cow.
Yesterday she closed two tills, as I was obviously approaching them, without a word of apology or consideration.
If it wasn't for their Value cider, I'd boycott them.

Julian Assange was 40 on July 3rd. We invited him to our Birthday Cricket game on the common, but he declined to attend, favouring a party with Vivienne Westwood and the girl who plays the lead in Australia's 'Rocky Horror Picture Show'.
I'm not sure if they slept over, or if Jules drank so much, he lost his moral-compass, but he did end up nicking some of our cricket attendees.
I just wish he would get over the whole 'Ricky Ponting' thing.

THERE ARE NO MOUNTAINS IN SURREY, MOHAMMAD

We can only imagine how the conversation went.

(SUNDAY 5th JUNE. 10-30AM. A Surrey village green)

Addington Village Cricket Captain: Hello Bob
St.Lukes Village Cricket Captain: Hi Gerry.
You ready for a damn good thrashing today! (chortles)

AVCC: (chortles too) You bet!
Listen Bob. We’ve got this teenage Pakistani lad who wants a game.
I promised his dad.
You ok with him having a swing?

StLVCC: Pakistani hey? As long as it’s not Imran Khan!
(both chortle, one less convincingly than the other)

AVCC: We’ll probably give him a bowl before lunch, and see how he gets on.
If we win the toss?!

StLVCC: You always do Gerry! You always do.



************


(2-37PM. Early Tea. A Surrey village green)

St.LVCC: Four wickets and sixty runs already eh, Bob?
Which part of Pakistan did you say he was from?


AVCC: Carshalton Gerry.
Carshalton.