Wednesday, 2 April 2014


Once again, I find myself writing on behalf of a minority of the population, who feel excluded and unjustly ignored when it comes to national events or occurrences.

And once again, I can't help thinking that London, Manchester and Birmingham get all the fun stuff, whilst East Anglia pumps out the sugar beet for their lattes, the rapeseed oil for their humvees, and the second homes for their parties.
London has hipsters and the London Eye, Manchester has the BBC and all of the footballs, and Birmingham has The Archers; but not one of them has the beautiful white sands of Great Yarmouth.
And where else would you find a KFC adjacent to a McDonalds, and directly opposite a Wetherspoons?

As the wealthier parts of the UK bask in a glorious cloud of air pollution and exotic sands brought in from Samsara, I am going to show you how to make your own air pollution, in less than ten minutes, and at a cost that wouldn't even get you a replacement smart phone.

The main ingredients for air pollution are ozone and sand.

According to Wikipedia
"Air pollution is the introduction of chemicals, particulate matter, or biological materials that cause harm or discomfort to humans"
So this must be true.

I use builder's sand because most sand is the same.

For chemically biological matter, I have stuffed lots of baby wipes and sanitary products down the toilet in order to cause a back-up in my Victorian plumbing system, and the resulting funk is making my eyes water and the cats cough.

For presentation, I will listen to endless Radio4 interviews with people explaining why the planet is suffocating, why we are not just part of the problem, but why we are the actual problem, and what we can do about it, but let's be honest, we won't.
Garnish with plenty of apathy.

And Bingo!
A soupcon of air pollution that would look good hovering over an overpriced back garden in any major city south of Doncaster.

Polluted Air
Asthma (Optional)

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